A friend of mine - we'll call her "Ashley" - recently started reading a book about Men. The book, titled "For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men," was written by Shaunti Feldhahn - who should be tried for robbery. The author, a woman, is speaking to women, trying to educate them on what exactly makes men "men". What a crock of shit.
How is this book not the length of your average fortune cookie fortune? We really need 346 pages on this? Unless the author copied and pasted a paragraph over and over again, this is the biggest scam since Catholicism or that book "The Secret".
Ms. Feldhahn goes into detail in this book about what us men are really thinking and what it is that makes us "tick". It's amazing. I liken it to me writing about about how the door handle on my Hyundai works and subsequently going into detail for 500 pages:
Chapter One:
The Handle opens the door.
"Uh oh... now what do I write about?"
Chapter Two:
Remember What I Told You In Chapter 1? Well, That Still Holds True.
Let's delve into Ms. Feldhahn's prose here a bit, shall we?
"It turns out these men have similar internal wiring as us women," she states in Chapter 1. "At their Inner Core, men have the same fears and concerns, feelings and needs as women." Really? I share the same fears as my female counterparts? "What bra shows my breasts off the best? What non-vital aspect of my husband's makeup/DNA should I pick apart for hours on end? Why does my husband just sit there silently? What part of my body makes me look fat?"
How is this book not the length of your average fortune cookie fortune? We really need 346 pages on this? Unless the author copied and pasted a paragraph over and over again, this is the biggest scam since Catholicism or that book "The Secret".
Ms. Feldhahn goes into detail in this book about what us men are really thinking and what it is that makes us "tick". It's amazing. I liken it to me writing about about how the door handle on my Hyundai works and subsequently going into detail for 500 pages:
Chapter One:
The Handle opens the door.
"Uh oh... now what do I write about?"
Chapter Two:
Remember What I Told You In Chapter 1? Well, That Still Holds True.
Let's delve into Ms. Feldhahn's prose here a bit, shall we?
"It turns out these men have similar internal wiring as us women," she states in Chapter 1. "At their Inner Core, men have the same fears and concerns, feelings and needs as women." Really? I share the same fears as my female counterparts? "What bra shows my breasts off the best? What non-vital aspect of my husband's makeup/DNA should I pick apart for hours on end? Why does my husband just sit there silently? What part of my body makes me look fat?"
You know what, we are the same!!!
She continues, "My husband's willingness to open up about these revelations, revelations that he, like all men, face a constant, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute battle with the temptations that beckoned from every corner of our culture, from the secret traps of the Internet (??) to the" - and this is the best one - "overt appeal of the miniskirt walking down the street."
HOW DOES SHE KNOW ME SO WELL!?! MY GOD ... it's like reading my own thoughts. Like Ron Burgandy's dog, Baxter, the author here truly cuts to the core of me.
Puke. Come on.
"Ashley," you paid money for this when all along I and any other man sitting here would be willing to "let you in on our secret" for free. Hell, show me your boob and I'll even write it down for you. Let me clue you in on something, "Ashley": the national magazine companies have it down pat. Look at all of the magazines targeted at men, your Maxim's, Playboys, hell even Outdoor - all of them have a scantily clad woman and a tag line like, "Get her hot in the sack," or "how to get her to do things in the bedroom she refuses to," or "Fantasy Football Offseason (with photos of the Philadelphia cheerleaders)"
I would write a book about it - what makes us men "tick" - but I imagine a publisher would have a hard time (that's what she said) agreeing to spend money on printing the following:
"Men, it seems, are at their very core made up of two wires - so to speak; one wire which runs from their penis to their brain and the other wire, which runs from their penis to an unseen "sports" hub somewhere near their heart and then back to their brain. Men want sex, sports, and they want women to leave them alone unless the first two items happen to be included. Dress like a sexy maid, talk dirty to us (without us having to provide the script), let us drink beer with our friends, let us watch sports, and don't bother us with big questions like, "What are WE?" and we'll provide for you, let you provide for us, dress how you want us to dress, and basically, be your bitch... You need to understand that when a man is sitting and watching TV with that blank stare on his face (the one which has you so frought with confusion), he isn't sitting there hiding some secret wish or desire to convey his inner-most fears and secrets to you, he's actually NOT THINKING - his caveman-DNA has kicked in, dormant for eons - and he simply has shut down. If you'd REALLY like to turn him back on, shave your legs, trim your pubic hair, and pretend - at least at the surface - that you like sex again (like the 20-year old who duped us into being with her)."
Man, you could read that in one bathroom sitting.
It's amazing that "Ashley" and others like her paid to have someone say, "We all know that men are 'visual,' but what does that mean?"
CHAPTER 31
The door handle on the Hyundai, when pulled open, allows the door to start ajar and then open to its fullest, like a buxom young woman's legs at the Senior Prom.
She continues, "My husband's willingness to open up about these revelations, revelations that he, like all men, face a constant, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute battle with the temptations that beckoned from every corner of our culture, from the secret traps of the Internet (??) to the" - and this is the best one - "overt appeal of the miniskirt walking down the street."
HOW DOES SHE KNOW ME SO WELL!?! MY GOD ... it's like reading my own thoughts. Like Ron Burgandy's dog, Baxter, the author here truly cuts to the core of me.
Puke. Come on.
"Ashley," you paid money for this when all along I and any other man sitting here would be willing to "let you in on our secret" for free. Hell, show me your boob and I'll even write it down for you. Let me clue you in on something, "Ashley": the national magazine companies have it down pat. Look at all of the magazines targeted at men, your Maxim's, Playboys, hell even Outdoor - all of them have a scantily clad woman and a tag line like, "Get her hot in the sack," or "how to get her to do things in the bedroom she refuses to," or "Fantasy Football Offseason (with photos of the Philadelphia cheerleaders)"
I would write a book about it - what makes us men "tick" - but I imagine a publisher would have a hard time (that's what she said) agreeing to spend money on printing the following:
"Men, it seems, are at their very core made up of two wires - so to speak; one wire which runs from their penis to their brain and the other wire, which runs from their penis to an unseen "sports" hub somewhere near their heart and then back to their brain. Men want sex, sports, and they want women to leave them alone unless the first two items happen to be included. Dress like a sexy maid, talk dirty to us (without us having to provide the script), let us drink beer with our friends, let us watch sports, and don't bother us with big questions like, "What are WE?" and we'll provide for you, let you provide for us, dress how you want us to dress, and basically, be your bitch... You need to understand that when a man is sitting and watching TV with that blank stare on his face (the one which has you so frought with confusion), he isn't sitting there hiding some secret wish or desire to convey his inner-most fears and secrets to you, he's actually NOT THINKING - his caveman-DNA has kicked in, dormant for eons - and he simply has shut down. If you'd REALLY like to turn him back on, shave your legs, trim your pubic hair, and pretend - at least at the surface - that you like sex again (like the 20-year old who duped us into being with her)."
Man, you could read that in one bathroom sitting.
It's amazing that "Ashley" and others like her paid to have someone say, "We all know that men are 'visual,' but what does that mean?"
CHAPTER 31
The door handle on the Hyundai, when pulled open, allows the door to start ajar and then open to its fullest, like a buxom young woman's legs at the Senior Prom.
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