Thursday, July 31, 2008

"Should we talk about the weather?"

To the astute observer, it may be apparent that whenever the Subsidies plan a show, the likelihood of a severe weather situation on that date increases 10 fold.

A few examples:

Some (Tina) even attest that Subsidies gigs are the root cause of global warming!

Well, look out your window and you'll see today is no different. We're planning a little outdoor acoustic happy hour tonight (5-8pm) at the Eagle Street Grille in St. Paul across from the Xcel Center. Naturally, it may be raining frogs by the time 5pm rolls around. If so, don't fret. We'll still be rockin' out - acoustic style - inside near the safety of the bar. See ya tonizzle!

Monday, July 28, 2008

See you on the flip side

For those of you who just can't seem to get enough Subsidies, get ready for a painful dry spell. We're playing the Eagle Street Grille on Thursday, July 31, from 5-8pm. It's our debut acoustic show, and we're quite excited for it. However, after that show, you won't see us for some time. [Don't hold back the tears. Let it out.]

We realized in the spring that the end of summer was going to be a challenge, as we have so many non-band commitments in this time. A brief sampling of what your Subsidies will be doing while away from rockin' and rollin':

  • 1 Bachelor Party Weekend
  • 5 weddings (including a Subsidy)
  • 1 work conference
  • 4 vacations
  • 1 honeymoon
  • Trips to San Fransisco, Las Vegas, and the exotic Green Bay, WI.

And that brings us to October. Yup. October. However, we're getting back on the wagon in style in October. We'll be hitting the Haze in Mankato and playing THE HALLOWEEN PARTY at Tiff's on Friday, October 31st. Halloween is on a Friday this year, and it's going to be big!

So, mourn us in the fashion that best suites you over the next two months. We shall return, stronger and as fresh-scented as ever come October!

The Subsidies - Live and Unplugged

When you reach a certain level of superstardom, it is a requirement to start doing acoustic shows, made famous by MTV some time back when Nirvana and Pearl Jam went "Unplugged". Well, we haven't reached superstardom level yet, but that has never stopped us before. We're getting this out of the way now so to ease our transition into superstardom, whenever that may come (August?).

Bring your hunger, thirst, usual zest for life, and Subsidies tank tops to the Eagle Street Grille (on the corner of 7th and Kellogg in St. P) for a little outdoor, acoustic bliss. We're playing from 5-8, so you'll still have time to head over to the Xcel to catch The Little Mermaid on Ice or whatever's playing these days. We'll be covering Megadeth's entire collection, in reverse alphabetical order.

The Subsidies @ The Eagle Street Grille
Thursday, July 31 from 5-8pm

Monday, July 21, 2008

once you go upright...

Subsidies bassist Laura Van spotted cheating on her band with another down at the Corner Bar in Dinkytown last Saturday:

"I really like it upright!"

"It's so long and smooth."

Yes, that's exactly what she said.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

We got Haze-d

Good times down in 'kato last weekend! Highlights included getting sponsored by Sprint, seeing tons of our contingent rockin' out -- out-of-town-style, twin Livin' on a Prayer girls, spicy BW3's minutes before Set 1 (never a good idea), and of course, almost getting a cap popped in my ass while loading stuff out of the "club" at the end of the night. (the Haze apparently becomes a "cluuuub" at 12:30am sharp, as soon as the band is done playing - ghetto-licious!)

Anyway, it was nothing if not exciting. We're looking forward to coming back in October when school is in session and the place is supposed to be even crazier. Someone is going to jump out a window, get piss-drunk, or lose a toe. I just know it.

This weekend, we're working on perfecting all our Yoko Ono material in prep for the upcoming show with A Hard Day's Night at O'Gara's in St. Paul on the 25th.

Ieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! We're definitely covering this one:

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Wait, is that John Lennon?!

The Subsidies are heading back to their old stomping grounds, O'Gara's, in St. Paul. Normally, we team up with our good pals Summit Ave., but we're switching things up on you (and just when you were getting comfortable).

We're splitting the night with a Hard Day's Night, a Beatles tribute band. These guys really get into it with the full costumes, personas, gear, and questionable hair styles that the Beatles sported 40 years ago.

This is going to be a blast folks, so come on out early for some Beatles tunes, then your beloved Subsidies will finish things off with songs from, well, every decade since the Beatles.

The Subsidies with A Hard Day's Night
Friday, July 25
Music starts at 9:30pm
O'Gara's in St. Paul (on the corner of Snelling and Selby)

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Cougar Hunting

COUGAR: pronounced "Cou-Gar"
–noun, plural -gars, (especially collectively) -gar.
Attractive, older woman, usually, but not limited to, someone who has been divorced, with small to moderate sun damage (visible around the eyes from spending too much time at Maynards, Zorbas in Brainered or other outdoor establishments brimming with attractive young men) who seeks out the company - usually sexual in nature - of younger, attractive men (preferably those with "popped" collars).

With the modern proliferation of Cougar attacks in and around the metro area, three members of local cover band the Subsidies attended a week long conference and training seminar on not only how to spot a Cougar, but how to render them useless. It was an eye-opening event.

Recent scientific studies show that there has been a 74% increase in Cougar attacks in and around music venues in 2008 - an increase of 24% over 2007. With the recent, well documented attacks on Clairvoyance's lead singer, Steven Smertle, and Destiny's Awareness guitarist Bill "Killer" Bode, the younger, more attractive members of the Subsidies (Collin, Grant, and Joe) wanted to find out what defensive spells, charms, and/or leg kicks were available should these raisin-titted women happen to attack one of or all of them.

"I was a bit apprehensive at first, being that I have been burned by these so-called training sessions in the past," explained the farmer-tanned Subsidies guitarist as he recalled the infamous 2005 conference on mitigating the chant for FREEBIRD by local concert-goers. "What I've learned in the past is you pay money, show up, they hand you a binder with worthless info and ask for another $100 for a series of DVDs."

With a bit of hesitancy, the men left for the seminar, which took place in beautiful Tampa Bay, Florida - home to a reported 12,430 Cougars.

"The training was crazy!" explained Lover as he reflected upon the intensive, some would say barbaric, training sessions the trio immersed themselves in. "Not only did they offer me valuable ninja-moves to compensate for these Cougar's attack moves, but we were taught how to spot a Cougar WELL before they would even attack."

In Tuesday's HOW TO SPOT A COUGAR FROM A COUNTRY MILE AWAY session, Collin, Grant, and Joe were shown slides and video of actual Cougar attacks on musicians. Among the telling signs of a Cougar:
  • The aforementioned sun damage
    Married women have no need to tan as they've already given up hopes of being attractive.
  • Animal print clothing
    Women who are NOT desperate have no need to camouflage themselves as animals. They know this is a horrible, horrible look
  • Visible NON-taupe colored bra straps and/or thong
    Married women ONLY wear taupe. Period. Younger, non-Cougars (aside from those one may see riding on a crotch rocket) have moved on to boy short-style underwear and high-assed jeans.
  • Humorous screen printed t-shirts
    Cougars who missed this exciting trend of 2005 are now seen sporting tees ranging from:
    "Boy Toy"
    "With a shirt like this, who needs pants"
    "I'm kind of a big deal around here" based off of 2003's Anchorman
    "I like it on top" complete with image of bunk bed
    "If found, return this shirt to my ex husband - and the condoms"
  • They only travel in packs
    If you see a group of middle-aged women, dressed in Target-brand clothing, those are Cougars (or the wives of the band)
  • They'll feign interest in the newer tunes, such as The Killers and The Fray, but will go ballz crazy over the classics; anything Journey or Rick Springfield related. It's impossible for them not to go berserk over these.
  • As a default, her clothing will skew as close as possible to that of a stripper.

With their training behind them, the men feel much more confident in being able to not only spot Cougars, but fend them off.

"I'm much more excited for this week's show at The Haze (a bastion for Cougars) knowing I have this knowledge and skill set," said Wright as he sharpened a set of ninja stars.

"If a Cougar steps up and tells me about her and her girlfriends' hotel room, I won't simply have to make up some story about having to drive back home. I can kick her in the legs and make a clean getaway."