Monday, December 31, 2007

It's Been a Long Time...

Hello all - I know it's been a while since I threw down some serious blog-action, but I just recently got my blogging rights reinstated by our leader, Joe. I'll try to keep this thing as fresh as the lettuce at an Old Country buffet. I think I speak for the rest of the band when I say Grant's poetry-laden blog was not reflective of the personality of the rest of the band - yikes!

So the holidays are over and we find ourselves in the morass that is Janu-ebru-arch. The Vikings, in normal fashion, are out of it, the T-Wolves suck massive ass, and the weather is a settling into its normal suck-ass-ness (not to mention it's not even January and we're already buried in snow).

Just because winter sucks - and it does - doesn't mean there isn't anything to do. The Subsidies resumes its Midwest tilt on the 11th at O'Gara's w/Summit Ave. We go on around 11:30, but get there for S.A. as they sort of kick ass too.

After that we'll be traversing good 'ol Hwy 169 down Mankato way on the 19th of January to the Inferno Tavern - always a blast!

Soon after we'll be heading into the studio soon to work on our "sophomore" album. With the success of "Behind the Front of Us," our first album, it'll be great to keep the momentum going. Look for a new single this Spring with the album dropping around June 24th.



Went to the QuietDrive show last Saturday hoping to see them kick ass as they are want to do, but didn't get such a reward. Instead, they mailed it in, playing from 8:30 - 9:30... yes, you read that correctly. With the amount of mothers and 10-year old kids walking around, you'd think it was a Chuck E. Cheese concert. At one point a suburban mother of three asked the lead singer if "he could keep it down as her youngest was sleeping." I always love the dichotomy of an all-ages show; Me and my alcohol battling for space amongst kids who may very well be one of my own from days of yor. I always feel just a shade over pathetic at these shows as I feel that either these 2500 kids' musical tastes are too old for them or I am a Good Charlotte album away from being placed on the sexual predator web site.

One more item from said evening: APPARENTLY they - FirstAve - have had some issues with minors getting their hands on booze in the bathroom as you aren't allowed to bring alcohol into the toilet. I WISH I HAD known this prior to having my BRAND NEW $8 Corona thrown away for bringing it in with me as I like to drink and pee at the same time. The bouncer ripped the beverage from my hands leaving me a bit embarrassed and thirsty. Awesome.

I've been dress-coded!! Upon visiting the well-known blow jobbery that is Bellanotte in downtown Minneapolis, I and my Eric Foreman-body and hair-double band leader Joe Lover were targeted by the bouncers for violating the strict dress code - We had hats on. Oh, sorry for this oh bastion of excellence. Let me get this straight: I can get my wedding tackle licked upon in one of your many stairwells, but I can't rock an H&M beanie? Riiiiiight ...

What made this even more perturbing, aside from me looking like I had been sleeping in the backseat of a car all night, was that at least 5 other men (and too women) were wearing hats (fedoras, caps, and Brad Pitt style paperboy hats). When the bouncer took Joe and me aside and kindly explained that Bellanotte forbids hat wearing I could've called him on this, but alas I found it better to spend the next 40 minutes using spit to try and coax my hair into a half-feaux hawk, half-side part. Not a good look.

Best new web site of the year:
You can thank me later.

Does anyone else think women in the Spears family like the feel of a man inside them sans-condom? Good lord - put the dcks down!!! 16!!! Jamie-Lynn is 16 and already pregnant! Couldn't she have waited to a couple years to throw her life away like her big sister? Apparently their mother (can anyone say Mom of the Year Award) already sold the story for $1 million and is looking to add this Chapter to her soon to be released book about parenting. All I know is that I can't be much worse of a parent. I'd rather read about how to raise kids from Lindsay Lohan's father.

Like father, like son... I shouldn't be too quick to speak in terms of parenting. In the span of two days during the holiday break, my youngest son (5 years old) managed to grab his aunt's breasts, slap his female cousin's butt, and pull the pants off a mannequin at Old Navy to "see if she had a butt too." I'm beginning to think I may want to mix in some football tosses and swirly training now as apparently I'm raising the school molester/bully. Jeez!

I'm going to buy a Smart Car this Summer, I think. I drive 7 miles to and from work each day, why do I have a big SUV?

If you need a New Years resolution to actually give you the impetus to change something in your life, you're already screwed. Although, if I had to come up with one it'd be to have more patience for people who yell out answers to the pre-movie quiz (which star of ER took a turn at movies with Ocean's 11? Michael J. Fox!). I hate these people, but need to be more aware that they are lacking a chromosome or 6.

Happy New Year -- See you at O'Gara's!!

Friday, December 21, 2007

From our home to yours, happy holidays...

Oh, you'd better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
The Subsidies are coming to town

They're making a set list,
Arguing about it twice;
Gonna find out who's practiced their shit.
The Subsidies are coming to town

They Myspace you when you're sleeping
They rock when you're awake
They know if you've been bad or good
So come out to a show and be bad to boost our ego

On, you'd better come out
You better get off your butt
drink and dance a lot, I'm telling you why
The Subsidies are coming to your town

Monday, December 10, 2007


What is it about downtown Hopkins and meat raffles? "People in the affluent western burbs like to gamble," reasons Pat Stebe, who has owned Decoys's with her life partner for nearly 20 years, "…and they love their meat." Fair enough. It's a Thursday at 5:00 p.m., time to commence Decoy's weekly raffle, whose proceeds benefit the GOP’s committee for the arts, which holds bi-monthy gatherings at the Jujitsu dojo just down the street. A table near the door of the cozy but clean joint is stacked with delectable offerings from local rock band, the Subsidies. After a few beers for the un-shaven, unruly, over-50 crowd (of the female persuasion) and a few hits of GHB for the band, the would-be crochet club is instructed to “prepare to grab your meat, ladies!”

Guitarist J. Lover is first to take the stage, whipping out a delectable offering of his special pin bone sirloin cut. “It’s the motion of the ocean, ladies. This feels as good on your tongue as it does slithering down your throat coated in my secret recipe hot sauce.” And the winner is… Number 115!!!! This goes to the decidedly un-petite Penelope situated over by the pool tables, draped in plaid. Yes, you! J. will make sure you’re getting filled tonight! Mmmm mmm.

Next up is drummer and brother D. Lover, or as he’s affectionately referred to on the meat raffle circuit, “big daddy t-bone.” Yes ladies, Big D’s meat may be the elder statesman of selections, an overly used tried and true cut of straight beef, yet you keep coming back for more. D’s beef goes straight to the lucky Phyllis (or is that Phillip??) holding number 212 in the back… and that’s just where he’ll give it to you.

Moving on, we have guitarist G-rant, who brings to the table his patented “hot beef injection” system. Yes, that’s right, the lucky winner tonight will not only receive the axe-slinger’s very own high quality ground beef chuck pre-marinated, sloppy joe style (watch out, splatter has been known to cause pink-eye… plastic wrap not included), but they will also receive his very own hot beef injector, perfect for working your beef into all sorts of unanticipated scenarios, such as beef cornbread, beef tossed-salad, or warm beef pie (see below). Winner, number 87, Louise with the latex gloves! Congratulations! You’ll need them.
Louise inspects G-rant's beef pie for rogue hairs.

Selection number four comes from singer Collin, who features tonight his famous tip-steak. “Ladies, lets play a little game I like to call ‘just the tip.’” Collin brings to the table a fresh selection, as he recently took some time off from the meat raffle circuit to attend to family matters. “Let’s just say my offering has been thoroughly tenderized, as I’ve had plenty of opportunity to beat my meat.” The frontman’s package goes to number 51, Geraldine in the front row! Settle down there grandma, don’t pill your favorite pair of underoos.

Finally tonight we feature luscious Laura’s tasty spread. The bass player always comes prepared, featuring a variety of moist offerings for all to enjoy. From two stuffed chicken breasts, to succulent boneless loin, to her (surprisingly) signature pungent Ahi tuna steak, Laura never ceases to simultaneously amaze, attract, and repel. “Can I get another roll of tickets?!?” shouts Dorris from the dartboard. Yes you can, Dorris. Yes you can. Word has it Laura might even pay for those once the GHB kicks in.

Bar owner, Pat closes out the event with a final sound-byte: "The rest of my family is in the meat business, so I know what to look for," she says, stroking her she-stache and surveying the evenings’ booty. She’s found a certain quality in the Subsidies not offered by rival meat rafflers on the circuit, and she’s not shy about her opinions. “I’ll handle any shank they can toss my way.” It’s nice to know when you’re appreciated.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

O'Gara's kicks off 2008

One of the band's favorite shows from 2007 was the O'gara's show in which we shared the stage with Summit Ave. We had a great crowd, tons of dancing mayhem, and an overall damn good time.

So, what better way to kick off 2008 with a repeat of that great show?! We're switching things up a bit this time around, as Summit Ave. will go on stage first around 9:30. Then The Subsidies will take over and rock the house 'til close.

Get there early, drop a few beverages into your system, and party with us.

Friday, January 11
Summit Ave at 9:30pm
The Subsidies to follow
O'Gara's in St. Paul
164 Snelling Avenue North