Musings

Couple 'o comments and thoughts on this day before our HUGE Tiff's show (again, tomorrow night in Highland park at Tiffany's Sports lounge at 9PM):

1. Halloween: The official cut-off age for going out and trick-or-treating is 12. No "ifs" "ands" or "buts". I don't care if you're 18, but look 9, stop. I had a slew of high school "punks" come through last night, without costumes, and they had the gall to actually bitch about my candy offerings. "Hey, d_ck heads, take your $7-hr pay from Applebees and buy yourself a bag of candy."

2. Hand Sanitation: You've got to be the worst type of human being, you know that? I'm talking about YOU, yeah you... the pathetic bastard who doesn't wash up after using our company bathrooms. I know we tend to discuss bathroom habits a lot on this blog, but this issue simply can not be thrown under the rug. We've actually made it as easy as possible for you -- we've removed any need to turn a faucet on, as it's all done through lasers or something. What, you're too damned lazy to simply place your hands under the sink and let the water wash over them? Really? You have time to look at yourself in the mirror, but not 30 seconds to clean your hands. I say this with all my energy - I HATE YOU. I do. I f-n hate your guts. You are spreading germs, via fecal matter, around the office. Why is it, Sir, that you are always at the communal food dish, be it eating M&M's or Chex Mix? It's amazing. You see people look at you. You're in there, not washing your hands in front of people. You must have the biggest balls out of anyone, ever. Please go. Go away.

3. Parking: OK. I need to address the gentleman who pulled through an open spot today into mine. Let me explain. Our lot at work is HUGE, yet fills quickly everyday. Because we can not build ramps - no clue why not - we are often forced to park, literally, a mile away. Hell, we even have a shuttle bus take us to the door, the lot is so large. When I pulled in today, there were a couple of spots available. These were adjacent to each other - stacked (top to bottom, not next to each other). This dingle-dork pulled through his and parked in mine - facing out. His wasn't good enough, I suppose, so he pulled straight ahead and felt facing forward would help with his get-away at the end of the day. What, is he a freaking bank robber? The thing is, he saw me and didn't even flinch or show remorse. I hate him too. There weren't any other spots nearby, and me wanting to prove a point, I drove all the way around and parked behind him. I then followed him, 2 feet away, the whole way in.

4. Using Checks and Account Balancing: People, checks should be used only for monthly expenses, like bills. That's not really even necessary with direct bill-pay, but fine, if you have to use it, only use it in these cases. DO NOT use it for everyday purchases, such as a bottle of soda, cigarettes, birth control (unless you have to), Tangy Taffy, or anything from a store I happen to be shopping at. Have you seen those Visa commercials? The ones which have the " process flow" grinding to a halt because some schmuck is paying for tennis balls with cash or a check? Also, and this is to EVERYONE... do not balance your account at the register. I can't overstate this. There have been countless times where I've had to share space or wait to be checked out because some chubby-calved soccer mom is knee deep in her checkbook's balance sheet. "Let's see here, $4.35 for a Latte, take that from my total, carry the 4...." SERIOUSLY, we're not all happy with waiting for you to balance your shit.

It's funny -- I'm not negative. OK, I am a bit, but the aforementioned people really should be flown to space and jettisoned out into its vast emptiness.

See you tomorrow - Wear a costume - Drink, don't drive - Have a Blast!!