Where's the Coke... and I Aint Talkin' Soda

I've been in the 'biz for almost two (that's English for "dos") years now and a few things are on my mind. Would you mind if I discussed them with you? You would? Oh, sorry. I'll leave. Really? I can now? Make up your mind, god!

I signed up for this (yes, Joe actually made me sign something - weird) thinking I was entering the wonderful world of booze, drugs, roadies, and soft rock 'n f-n roll, but much to my dismay, the first couple of years really haven't been filled with mind-altering drugs, nor nights of debauchery; unless you include sharing a MicroTel bed with our drummer Dave and his legs of fury debaucherous (sic).

Don't get me wrong, I'm having fun. I am. I love performing and meeting all the cool fans we've made. I just - I don't know - need something to happen. Something "redic".

The gig we're coming up on this weekend at Inferno Tavern in Fankato could be our group's first foray into those things which shall not be spoken (I'll assume blogging about them is still cool). The Inferno and our opener "KickTin" know how to party. They get it. I'm not talking the kind of partying my wife and I, along with our friends do - you know, Wine Clubs - I'm talkin' 'bout the kind of party Brittney Spears is into. I want to show the world my 'gina. I want the court to take my kids after this weekend. If all goes well, I will wake up Sunday morning naked, my clothes still unaccounted for, badly bruised, but able to limp effectively, and nursing a hangover the size of the medium drink at Wendys. KickTin, a rockoustic band, prides themselves on drinking vast amounts of cocktails, mixed with horse tranquilizers and urine (Horse-bombs anyone??). They drink, sing, drink, and then follow it all up with a little bit of drinking.

I'm thinking you'll want to make this show. I'm feeling that when VH1 does its Behind the Music episode of The Subsidies, this will be the turning point - where we go from a bunch of good guys (and one chick) to a group hell bent on trashing hotel rooms and lining up coke; snorting it off of women and all that!

So, get down to the Inferno early, have some drinks, settle in and just wait for all hell to break loose. I for one am looking forward to it.